Boring hospital politics, part 17

There is a return to the SuckySoftware drama and the CNO. My availability was requested of me by the CNO last week because she'd like to meet with me for a half hour to discuss SuckySoftware. This meeting hasn't been scheduled yet, but I bumped into her one day last week and she cheerfully asked me about my vacation, wants to meet with me and "thinks I'm very bright."

You'd think that should be flattering, but all it did was put me on my guard and thickened my walls. She wants something; I just don't know what it is yet. I respect her. She's an exceptionally smart and classy woman, has been published and is very active not only in the community, but the state. I would like to trust her, and ....the truth is I don't. I cannot put my finger on why this is.

I can't decide what I think about this yet.

And. What's so weird to me is that....

I mean. WHO CARES? Who the fsck am I, anyway? Nobody.

Why does this shit happen to me, and happen to me all the time, and seemingly when I put so little effort into stirring things up? I don't do this on purpose; or at least, I don't think I do.

There's something else. MyInstructor is very careful during CCclass to ...she will critize something genuinely stupid about SuckySoftware, and will be right about the software being wrong. But she will backpedal and be careful to say, "I'm not against computer charting and I am confident the subcommittees are working on it."

Lots of furtive looks my direction. Either to read my face or because she's afraid somebody's gonna "tell on her", I can't decide. Why would I "tell on her" for saying shit I agree with? Why would I hang her out to dry for telling the truth? Why would I "tell on her" to someone I don't respect (meaning Director)? And what is this sense of paranoia all about? Are we not professionals?

...The other thing wrong with MyInstructor's statement is that R tells me yesterday that the subcommittees are stalled. The only movement we got on positive changes was days after my email went out. Nothing has happened since. I could see the steam coming from R's ears the other day as she told me this. I think she wants my help again to get things moving, but we couldn't talk freely.

(And why can't we talk about this stuff freely? What is the big fscking deal?)

MyInstructor says, "It's so difficult to get everybody in HospitalSystem to sign off on changes, that it takes a LOT to get changes done. I mean it's mindboggling how complicated that is" Except that that is wrong, and we are the beta test site, and the rollout is incomplete across the system. Now is our best opportunity.

Why is this such a charged thing? The software is shit and we need to fix it. Where's the fscking controversy in that? Nurses! They are so unlike people in the rest of the American working world. Why are we more concerned about hugging and kumbaya to nebulous Powers That Be (and who ARE these people? and can I sit them down and talk to them like reasonable people?) than in being effective at treating our patients?

I feel like I'm in China in the 1960s. A lot of people seem to be waving little red books, and I don't know who is doing so only to avoid being dragged into a stupid meeting so that a very small person can fume and try to intimidate them...and who isn't. And I've got a meeting with Mao sometime next week. Cos Mao thinks I'm very bright.

Is that terrible for me to say? Probably not. But it's possibly terrible of me to post on a blog.

Work politics. Boring. I'm not actually a socialist or social democrat, I'm a libertarian.

Know what that means?

Time to go be a consultant again is what that means. I am working on some things up my sleeve in that area. I'm not stupid and I'm not tied forever to whether or not MyHospital ultimately resolves its SuckySoftware drama. I will do what I can to help; I will do my best to help.

But at the end of the day, SuckySoftware will remain sucky. Hopefully not as sucky, but it will be sucky. There are stellar individuals and I'm lucky to know many within my hospital. But organizations and the faceless mass of people within them are mediocre. The only constant among all large organizations is mediocrity.

I'm not leaving MyHospital; I have things to do here. Chief among them is actually learning ICU and building my skills. I also meant what I said that Director is not on my Christmas list, and if I need to step on her toes again to help improve things for nurses who do have my back....I will step on them with enthusiasm that didn't exist before she tried to smack me around.

We'll see what happens I guess.

Right now, I have about three hours to come up with a Halloween costume.